As the year comes to an end...

...it is time to tally all your assets and liabilities.

Assets.

My Voice.

I have often had people ask me if I work in the 0-900 speciality service industry. Unfortunately the sex-talk industry has never considered outsourcing to India so that is one job offer that is not likely to come to me.

People living in the building would however attest to the fact that when I do loose my cool over the phone the volume goes higher and the language goes way south (actually isn't that EXACTLY what the guys want?).

Radio - That's where I should have been. I am actually not quite sure if all the people who have recommended that as a job option were complimenting me on my voice that could shatter fine crystal or politely telling me that my visuals could smash toughened Television picture tubes.


My People Skills.

Stop sniggering you bitches, I do have people skills. Name me even one person who has met me and can not instantly recollect me even five years after the first meeting. And yes so what if most of the impressions are negative. Hey how many of you can ever make such a claim.

Nerd, Asshole, Pompous, Aloof, Crazy Asshole, Snob, Duh, Asshole, Weird, Freak, Fu#$^g Asshole, Naradmuni, Bitch, Crazy Fu#$^g Asshole.

Is there anyone who can lay claim to even half those attributes. And I have not even started on the wonderful terms that they use to describe me when they talk in Hindi.

The best that most of you guys could probably get is "NICE" Bland, boring, boy next door kind of "Nice". Why would anybody in their right mind ever want to be called that when there are so many better terms out there.


My Amazing Body Structure.

Yeah you heard that right! My body is an exquisite cocktail of the best that Hollywood and Bollywood have to offer.

I have the height of Danny deVito.
I have chest that Pamella and Sush paid good money to buy for themselves
I have the hairline of an adolescent Yul Bryner.
I have the waistline of the later day Marlon Brano
I have the dress sense of Aishwarya in Cannes.
I have the fluid dance floor rhythm of Borat

Yeah Baby, I've got it all.


On the Debit Side lets see...,

Right on top of that list would have to be my friends. Shit these guys are the pits. And if you do not believe me just take a look at the comments on the previous post. All those nasty rude comments are from regular readers.

Seriously were it not for the kindness of strangers I would be an abused wreck. (I would also be largely celibate but let us not even go there).

That being said, would I have it any other way (and we are not talking kinky sex here okay). I guess not. If I were to loose all of my assets (the above listed only only, Gawd does everything have to be about sex to you) I could live with that.

The Debit side. That is precious. No one touches that!